Post by shelley on May 2, 2010 4:53:42 GMT -5
As the crowd sits waiting for their favorite diva jobber match to carry on. You know now that I think about it, I think it's a match between that chick from the pussycat dolls (you know the only one that ever gets to sing solos) and Angelina Jolie. But who am I to pass judgment. Either way, the crowd watches on unknowing that soon the match, and the awkward silence between the occasional "fuck her up" shout from someone in the crowd, would be interrupted by a grand stage of music. A wall of sound. A symphony of amazing. Nah, just some In Flames. Woo, go metal. The crowd shifts their eyes, their heads, some even shift their entire bodies to look, to see what kind of sheer brilliance was being portrayed from the titantron. With the brief snapshot of four words, the crowd erupts into a riot. A chaotic combustible element known as an overbearing pop. But what are those four words you say to yourself? "You get free pizza?" Although clever, it can't be it. "Give me your money". Well that would just cause a negative reaction so that couldn't be it. Ah yes I got it. "That's what she said". Again that couldn't quite possibly encourage such a response. It had to be none other than "Motor City Machine Guns". And indeed it was, indeed it was....
By now Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin had stepped through the curtain and are gazing around at the thousands of people screaming, cheering, crying, and yes some even seem to be masturbating. As disturbing as it is they continue on their adventure down the ramp and towards the ring. The girls in the ring look mad pissed at this point. At any second they were gonna "Z" snap their fingers, bob their heads around and drop the ol' "nuh uh girlfriend". Little did they know, the machine gunners had just been signed to a contract, and could really careless what they thought. As attractive as they were, the machine guns had been around the block when it came to attractive women. Make that at least 10 times around the block. They jump into the ring and ensue posing for the crowd on opposite turnbuckle corners. Chris Sabin firing off blanks with his invisible Mini-Uzi's and Alex Shelley with his arms stretched out, taking in all the cheering he can possibly fit inside his head. Without further hesitation they grab a set of mics and cue their music off. Oh but how they wouldn't be able to talk. Instead, thousands of fans in the audience would rape their ears with "Motor City" chants. To them, it felt good, it felt great. It felt warm.....though that could also be the pee. Regardless, the girls look very displeased about being interrupted. They each looked to get a successful start to what they hope would be a long WWE career, but it seems they've been humiliated by the guns, and they haven't even opened their mouths yet. Until now.....
Alex Shelley: If you two want a real wrestling match I can take you back to the locker room and show you a few positions I think you'll both enjoy.
A couple flips of a couple middle fingers and the ladies storm out of the ring, still mad pissed. "Nuh uh, girl friend, lets get out of here and away from these pigs. They don't know nothin'" Well that's at least what's going through their head anyways.
Chris Sabin: Oh what's the matter? You ladies don't want tickets to see the gun show?
With that Sabin flexes his arms.
Shelley: That's right ladies, Chris Sabin is a completely certified member of the NRA. Just look at these things.
Shelley reaches to grab one of Sabin's biceps but he is quickly rejected.
Sabin: Whoa calm down there Alex, I wouldn't want one of these things going off in your hand.
Shelley: Oh thank god, you've saved my life.
Sabin: You're not kidding. You remember the last guy I put in a headlock? He's still sipping through a straw.
Shelley: Did you at least send him a beer hat as a gift?
Sabin: Yeah, but I ended up drinking it first. He could have the hat, but he wasn't getting the beer.
Shelley: Oh you are a stitch. Ladies and gentlemen, women and men, females and males, and even all the people in between. We are Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin.....the Motor City Machine Guns!
As expected, the crowd busts into another cheering riot at the mention of the duos tag team name.
Shelley: Either we're looking really good tonight or we've got some fans.
Sabin: Hey, I'll vote on both!
Shelley: Yes...yes you would. Now as I was saying, we are the Motor City Machine Guns.
Sabin: Only the hottest team in wrestling!
Sabin gets a quick point from Shelley.
Shelley: Bingo, right on the mark. And what happens when you have the hottest tag team in wrestling working for your company? In Total Nonstop Assholes.....
Sabin: That's "Action".....
Shelley: I know that Sabin, it was a joke. Damnit, you screwed me up. Now where was I? When you have the hottest tag team in wrestling, you don't put them on the sideline, only to call on them for occasional "web matches" here and there. You put them right in the middle, front and center and showcase them like the supreme stars that they are. However, in this case, unless your in your 50s, unless you were on Monday nights in 1997, and unless you're always drunk at your job.....you don't stand a chance. But maybe it's our fault. We are clearly not in our 50s. We're clearly not on steroids. And we know more wrestling holds than catchphrases. Shame on us for enjoying what we do in a youthful and professional manner. However, when we got that call from Shane McMahon. The first thought that ran through my head was......
Sabin: Here comes the money!
Shelley points again.
Shelley: Right again son. You're on a roll.
Sabin: Damn, I'm good!
Shelley: Now as Shane O Mac, as I will refer to him from now on, started to explain to me the idea of his company. It got the gears rolling. My thought process was shooting just as fast as the guns we're named after. And as he asked us if we would be willing to join this "rebirth" if you will, of the WWE all I could manage to say was "Damnit son, why didn't you invite us sooner." Thus why we are here. Thus why we are standing in a Smackdown ring. And to those fellas down south, I just have one thing to say. You fucked up. You had two of the best money makers, two of the best in ring stars and two of the best looking guys in professional wrestling and you blew it. Oh but it wasn't anything good they blew. Not at all. It was the big dick of dumb decisions that they blew. "Hey, these guys have high selling T-shirts. Hey, these guys get a positive reaction from the crowd. Lets use them once in a blue moon" But hey, how can you blame them? I mean Team 3D can put on a good match. The Nasty Boys are the guys people are wanting to see. Oh wait......Yeah, you see where I'm going with this. The Nasty Boys sucked 20 years ago and they still suck now. Team 3d, they had like 3 good matches, and those took place in a bingo hall, isn't that right? But hey, instead of grieving about our past horribleness, lets focus on the future. A bright future, a staring into the damn sun future. A future surrounded with gold, women, more gold, more women, a few cars, a lot of booze, and of course more gold. And hey, what do you know, the machine gunners have already been entered into a tournament for championship gold. How longs it been Chris, how long?
Sabin: Too long!
Shelley: Too long indeed. But with a new torch, new fuel, and a new spark. The machine guns are going to take the WWE by storm and present you comedy, action, drama, horror and even some romance like you've never seen before. We're the stars because we just are. And now that we're with the right company, under the right management. We can shine, we can headline, and most importantly we can be divine.
Sabin: That was the gayest thing you've ever said.
Shelley: What you've got something better?
TBC by Sabin
By now Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin had stepped through the curtain and are gazing around at the thousands of people screaming, cheering, crying, and yes some even seem to be masturbating. As disturbing as it is they continue on their adventure down the ramp and towards the ring. The girls in the ring look mad pissed at this point. At any second they were gonna "Z" snap their fingers, bob their heads around and drop the ol' "nuh uh girlfriend". Little did they know, the machine gunners had just been signed to a contract, and could really careless what they thought. As attractive as they were, the machine guns had been around the block when it came to attractive women. Make that at least 10 times around the block. They jump into the ring and ensue posing for the crowd on opposite turnbuckle corners. Chris Sabin firing off blanks with his invisible Mini-Uzi's and Alex Shelley with his arms stretched out, taking in all the cheering he can possibly fit inside his head. Without further hesitation they grab a set of mics and cue their music off. Oh but how they wouldn't be able to talk. Instead, thousands of fans in the audience would rape their ears with "Motor City" chants. To them, it felt good, it felt great. It felt warm.....though that could also be the pee. Regardless, the girls look very displeased about being interrupted. They each looked to get a successful start to what they hope would be a long WWE career, but it seems they've been humiliated by the guns, and they haven't even opened their mouths yet. Until now.....
Alex Shelley: If you two want a real wrestling match I can take you back to the locker room and show you a few positions I think you'll both enjoy.
A couple flips of a couple middle fingers and the ladies storm out of the ring, still mad pissed. "Nuh uh, girl friend, lets get out of here and away from these pigs. They don't know nothin'" Well that's at least what's going through their head anyways.
Chris Sabin: Oh what's the matter? You ladies don't want tickets to see the gun show?
With that Sabin flexes his arms.
Shelley: That's right ladies, Chris Sabin is a completely certified member of the NRA. Just look at these things.
Shelley reaches to grab one of Sabin's biceps but he is quickly rejected.
Sabin: Whoa calm down there Alex, I wouldn't want one of these things going off in your hand.
Shelley: Oh thank god, you've saved my life.
Sabin: You're not kidding. You remember the last guy I put in a headlock? He's still sipping through a straw.
Shelley: Did you at least send him a beer hat as a gift?
Sabin: Yeah, but I ended up drinking it first. He could have the hat, but he wasn't getting the beer.
Shelley: Oh you are a stitch. Ladies and gentlemen, women and men, females and males, and even all the people in between. We are Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin.....the Motor City Machine Guns!
As expected, the crowd busts into another cheering riot at the mention of the duos tag team name.
Shelley: Either we're looking really good tonight or we've got some fans.
Sabin: Hey, I'll vote on both!
Shelley: Yes...yes you would. Now as I was saying, we are the Motor City Machine Guns.
Sabin: Only the hottest team in wrestling!
Sabin gets a quick point from Shelley.
Shelley: Bingo, right on the mark. And what happens when you have the hottest tag team in wrestling working for your company? In Total Nonstop Assholes.....
Sabin: That's "Action".....
Shelley: I know that Sabin, it was a joke. Damnit, you screwed me up. Now where was I? When you have the hottest tag team in wrestling, you don't put them on the sideline, only to call on them for occasional "web matches" here and there. You put them right in the middle, front and center and showcase them like the supreme stars that they are. However, in this case, unless your in your 50s, unless you were on Monday nights in 1997, and unless you're always drunk at your job.....you don't stand a chance. But maybe it's our fault. We are clearly not in our 50s. We're clearly not on steroids. And we know more wrestling holds than catchphrases. Shame on us for enjoying what we do in a youthful and professional manner. However, when we got that call from Shane McMahon. The first thought that ran through my head was......
Sabin: Here comes the money!
Shelley points again.
Shelley: Right again son. You're on a roll.
Sabin: Damn, I'm good!
Shelley: Now as Shane O Mac, as I will refer to him from now on, started to explain to me the idea of his company. It got the gears rolling. My thought process was shooting just as fast as the guns we're named after. And as he asked us if we would be willing to join this "rebirth" if you will, of the WWE all I could manage to say was "Damnit son, why didn't you invite us sooner." Thus why we are here. Thus why we are standing in a Smackdown ring. And to those fellas down south, I just have one thing to say. You fucked up. You had two of the best money makers, two of the best in ring stars and two of the best looking guys in professional wrestling and you blew it. Oh but it wasn't anything good they blew. Not at all. It was the big dick of dumb decisions that they blew. "Hey, these guys have high selling T-shirts. Hey, these guys get a positive reaction from the crowd. Lets use them once in a blue moon" But hey, how can you blame them? I mean Team 3D can put on a good match. The Nasty Boys are the guys people are wanting to see. Oh wait......Yeah, you see where I'm going with this. The Nasty Boys sucked 20 years ago and they still suck now. Team 3d, they had like 3 good matches, and those took place in a bingo hall, isn't that right? But hey, instead of grieving about our past horribleness, lets focus on the future. A bright future, a staring into the damn sun future. A future surrounded with gold, women, more gold, more women, a few cars, a lot of booze, and of course more gold. And hey, what do you know, the machine gunners have already been entered into a tournament for championship gold. How longs it been Chris, how long?
Sabin: Too long!
Shelley: Too long indeed. But with a new torch, new fuel, and a new spark. The machine guns are going to take the WWE by storm and present you comedy, action, drama, horror and even some romance like you've never seen before. We're the stars because we just are. And now that we're with the right company, under the right management. We can shine, we can headline, and most importantly we can be divine.
Sabin: That was the gayest thing you've ever said.
Shelley: What you've got something better?
TBC by Sabin
